I Love You!

I love you. A three-word sentence. A meaningful(???) assembly of eight alphabet of English, two spaces and a punctuation sign. The sign depends upon the tone of sentence. For example; if Kajol says this to Shakti Kapoor, the sign will be a question mark, if Ravi Kishen says this to Shruti Hasan, it will be a note of exclamation if Ajay Devg(a)n says this to anybody, you are supposed to assume a full stop after it. An assembly of eleven characters - it sounds too big to the chat savvy generation and toooooo smaaaalll to the girls. Definitely, a sentence which communicates Gigabytes (universally, accepted as unit of digital emotion)of emotion can not, should not be 11 characters long. At least love can not be a four letter word. It is "hate" which is a four letter word.
How do girls write "I love you."?
I loooooooovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeee Yooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!
If they find it too big to fit into an SMS; they can write it a bit smaller but will always pronounce it in an elongated form. I always feel that for guys, this is an acronym. You need to be a girl to be able to expand it.
Okay, what does this phrase mean?
"I love you." (girls, please allow me to use the acronym) is an english sentence and as per the norms of english grammar every sentence should have a subject and a predicate. Here;
Subject is "I" and "love you" is the predicate.
This "love you" predicate has a three step mechanism.
Prey-decay-eat.
Yes, it preys you ego, your individuality, etc. decays them and finally eats them. Who is the "it"? Guess!! Yes, the subject - "I".
In legal terms, it is a legal draft which appears as a merger proposal but actually is an acquisition proposal.
Yes, when the subject "I" sees potential in "You", it drafts this proposal with an intention to overtake, acquire.
What are the required potential?
You should be eager to lose yourself and become someone.
You are not a person who knows who he is. (I think this criterion has been qualified by everyone.)
If a dog barks at you incessantly, you should not get pissed off and should try hard to decipher what he is trying to say.
You have no desire to win an argument especially if it is about hygiene, societal mind set, our culture, tradition and latest trends.
You should be smart but should have an ability to act insane sometimes; just to cheer up the subject.
You should know the basic etiquette such as in front of a girl one should not discuss politics, foreign issues (if it is not about Brad Pitt, Micheal Jackson, Roger Fedrer and Nicholas Surkozy), economic impact (until and unless it does not affect the demand-supply curve of cosmetics).
There are some more criteria which are not compulsory. They can make you more vulnerable. Some of them are;
If a big fan of SRK, Paulo Cohelo, Richard Bach and Nelly Furtado.
If you hate people like Rahul Mahajan, Shiney Ahuja, Anand Jon etc.
If you can keep on searching for a pair of matching trousers for you blue-vertical-strip-full-sleeves-shirt for half an hour and after finding one reorganise the wardrobe before leaving for your workplace.
If you wear a Cologne endorsed by John Abrahim.

Note: In the past, it was assumed that sports was a big no-no for girls but from last few years this trend has changed. Now they relish Dhoni, Fedrer and Hamilton with great enthusiasm. So, flaunt sports as much as you can, if you want to get h(a)unted!