Yes, I am inspired by Dasvidaniya. Could anyone, please, tell me that if I would like to do 14 things before I die; am I supposed to call my movie chaudahvidaniya? Hopefully, no! Dasvidaniya means goodbye. One would have definitely heard Mr Raj Kapoor (Raj Kapoor was the grandfather of Ms Kareena kapoor) biding dasvidaniya in the famous movie, Mera naam Joker. I have heard that Mr kapoor was determined to make a sequel of the movie but he could not. Why? There are N number of reasons:
Rishi kapoor did not join a college after passing (!!) school and Raj Kapoor could not get THE substance for first half of the sequel.
Simi Gerewal could not be replaced by someone and she could not be a proffesor. Reason? She was just +2 pass. How do I know? Have you ever heard the question she had asked in the movie? Teetar ke do aage teetar, teetar ke do peechhe teetar; bolo kitne teetar? Correct answer is "cannot be determined". She has not provided sufficient data as there can or can not be a teetar in between two teetars. One possible answer can be "at least three".
Okay, Ten things I would like to:
1. get six pack abs like Aamir.
2. buy the entire collection of Nusrat Saab.
3. wear a red T-shirt with yellow trousers.
4. thrash my Geography teacher who insulted me infront of the whole class.
5. learn playing chess.
6. propose a girl and hear "Yes" as the reply of my proposal.
7. build required stamina to run upto 100 meters.
8. make a confession to my class mate - Vikas that his Moral Science copy was purloined by me.
9. write ten grammatically correct sentences.
1o. tell Shahrukh that he is not a better actor that K K Menon.
Now, I can die peacefully!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Another Format in the Middle!
The IPL is about to conclude. And it has left its mark all over the India. Yes! Can you believe that to get a stand seat you need to pay Rupees 1000 for the semifinals? I do not think that it is due to the galloping inflation. Inflation has a defined domain and it rarely intrudes the range of luxury. Any way, I have no doubt about the future of IPL. As long as IPL would stand for Indian Premier League it is going to bring fortune for the team owners. What if it is expanded as Iceland Primer League or something similar to AajTak version of IPL i.e; Indian Paisa League. I do not know. If Mr. Lalit Modi gets a chance to expand it he would definitely go for “I Like Priety”. Is it absurd? How can it be! It is the hottest gossip of IPL (I am not talking about the planned rumor mills like Harbhajan-Sreesanth Fracas). If MBBS can be expanded as Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery why can IPL not be expanded using the same Rule! It is still a question for me why do they call it MBBS why not BMBS. May be because it sounds similar to BUMPS!
This IPL would be remembered for various reasons like it is the first time when SET MAX has not placed a female host in the discussion board. You need not to be Arindham Choudhary to understand that how Ms. Mandira Bedi had affected the TRPs of last few cricket tournaments telecasted by SET MAX. It was the first time when puritans came to know about cuts other than square cut and lemon cut. It has not only catered the adulterous eyes of viewers like us but also inculcated women’s interest in cricket. Why do women watch cricket? It is a topic of an unhealthy discussion. So, it is better to conclude that it is Mandira’s Jorget Saari and not Dhoni’s hair-style which attracts them.
Next are the moments which witnessed Gambhir pulverizing Ishaant Sharma, Sehwag appreciating Sohaib Malik and many more which could never be possible without this IPL. It is a global platform for few cricket playing nations.
But the man who has impressed me the most in this tournament is none other than Mr Ravi Shastri- a man of impeccable phrases. His commentary has spiced the tournament. His one liner like:
Another man in the middle: How can one play from the corner. It is quite obvious that one has to come to the middle of a ground to bat. But he does not find it obvious. Whenever a new batsman comes, he announces it as if he has discovered fourth Newton’s law.
This is going to stay here: It has been used ad nauseasm. Whenever anyone plays a innings of more than 25, he dictates his fate he is going to stay in this format of game.
If I am not wrong; he has forecasted similar fates for players like Hrishikesh Kanitkar, laxmipati Balaji etc. How long did they stay?
Yes! But he does not exaggerate as Siddhu used to do. No doubt he is leading India commentators. As long as he is in the middle others have to constrain themselves to the corners.
This IPL would be remembered for various reasons like it is the first time when SET MAX has not placed a female host in the discussion board. You need not to be Arindham Choudhary to understand that how Ms. Mandira Bedi had affected the TRPs of last few cricket tournaments telecasted by SET MAX. It was the first time when puritans came to know about cuts other than square cut and lemon cut. It has not only catered the adulterous eyes of viewers like us but also inculcated women’s interest in cricket. Why do women watch cricket? It is a topic of an unhealthy discussion. So, it is better to conclude that it is Mandira’s Jorget Saari and not Dhoni’s hair-style which attracts them.
Next are the moments which witnessed Gambhir pulverizing Ishaant Sharma, Sehwag appreciating Sohaib Malik and many more which could never be possible without this IPL. It is a global platform for few cricket playing nations.
But the man who has impressed me the most in this tournament is none other than Mr Ravi Shastri- a man of impeccable phrases. His commentary has spiced the tournament. His one liner like:
Another man in the middle: How can one play from the corner. It is quite obvious that one has to come to the middle of a ground to bat. But he does not find it obvious. Whenever a new batsman comes, he announces it as if he has discovered fourth Newton’s law.
This is going to stay here: It has been used ad nauseasm. Whenever anyone plays a innings of more than 25, he dictates his fate he is going to stay in this format of game.
If I am not wrong; he has forecasted similar fates for players like Hrishikesh Kanitkar, laxmipati Balaji etc. How long did they stay?
Yes! But he does not exaggerate as Siddhu used to do. No doubt he is leading India commentators. As long as he is in the middle others have to constrain themselves to the corners.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Do you work for peanut?
I have heard several people saying, "I can not work for peanuts!"
Very ture! Why would one work for peanuts? That too in the era of health awakening, it’s stupid to even think about it. Man! Have you ever calculated who much calories do you cosume when you eat a gram of peanut? Girls can not even imagine of touching a peanut. Why? Don’t you know they have sheer belief in touch therapy! They have gone through their organic chemistry lessons; they know that Like dissolves Like. Cholesterol- which has achieved a villainous stature (It has been reported that girls consider it a bigger threat than The Great Gulsan Grover and Shakti Kapoor; stop googling spider is not efficient for such searches) is an organic compound and it can pass through our permeable skin and dissolve with carbohydrate. So, it’s better to stay 10 miles away from such organic compounds. I have read somewhere that the leading potato wafer producer “Lays” has hired five pro-eminent Inorganic chemists to invent inorganic potato. Among the five, one is Dr. O P Tandon, the famous writer of the magnum opus called “The Inorganic chemistry”. I have been reported that to print a copy of it; 397 tree are cut. His creation has placed many IIT aspirants at nowhere. Inorganic-Aaloo is Saif’s idea. When Abumani Ramadoss (though he has tried enough to become a household name, I am not very sure about his name) attacked Saif for advertising potato wafer branded as Lays; it affected the sales and lays registered its all time low. Consequently, Saif was blamed for the fate (You are not lucky always; Saif did Tashan and Race but no one blamed him). Then Saif made his point clear that it was not his fault. Do you know what did he say? “Come’ on cut the crap short…. in the era of health awakening, no one is ready to consume anything organic…..even karu (kareena) has left eating junk…. Damn it! We must use Inorganic-aaloo…” Saif and kareena do not indulge themselves in the act of love-biting. “Organic Prohibited.” Anyway, it’s a different issue.
Now the question is; is it the cholesterol that has caused hatred for peanuts or something else? I think, this time it is not fair to blame the cholesterol. The word peanuts contains two syllabi pea and nuts. Do you think that a noble creature like we the human beings would work for something like this? No way! Pee and nuts, both are somewhat related to spontaneity. One a spontaneous phenomenon another one is a spontaneous behavior or attitude (I do not know, what this American slang exactly means.) As they are spontaneous, we do not need to work for these things.
The next point is; do trivial things like pee and nuts have the caliber to get a human being on his feet? Boss! Until and unless we are not persuaded for something which is very difficult to figure out, we would not slog our respective ass (Respective is an important word). Yes, this is the truth; all of us work for something which is not known to us. Like happiness! We work to get the comforts and I do not think anyone would get the comfort by consuming peanuts. Boss! Believe me if you try to stuff your belly with it, no doubt you would be suffering from constipation which would be a leading cause for the discomfort of yours as well as the others. You must be knowing from your past experience; how does constipation ruin others’ peace.
So, this has been proved that whosoever is working for peanuts is a fool. Its not worth to exert yourself for pee-nuts.
Very ture! Why would one work for peanuts? That too in the era of health awakening, it’s stupid to even think about it. Man! Have you ever calculated who much calories do you cosume when you eat a gram of peanut? Girls can not even imagine of touching a peanut. Why? Don’t you know they have sheer belief in touch therapy! They have gone through their organic chemistry lessons; they know that Like dissolves Like. Cholesterol- which has achieved a villainous stature (It has been reported that girls consider it a bigger threat than The Great Gulsan Grover and Shakti Kapoor; stop googling spider is not efficient for such searches) is an organic compound and it can pass through our permeable skin and dissolve with carbohydrate. So, it’s better to stay 10 miles away from such organic compounds. I have read somewhere that the leading potato wafer producer “Lays” has hired five pro-eminent Inorganic chemists to invent inorganic potato. Among the five, one is Dr. O P Tandon, the famous writer of the magnum opus called “The Inorganic chemistry”. I have been reported that to print a copy of it; 397 tree are cut. His creation has placed many IIT aspirants at nowhere. Inorganic-Aaloo is Saif’s idea. When Abumani Ramadoss (though he has tried enough to become a household name, I am not very sure about his name) attacked Saif for advertising potato wafer branded as Lays; it affected the sales and lays registered its all time low. Consequently, Saif was blamed for the fate (You are not lucky always; Saif did Tashan and Race but no one blamed him). Then Saif made his point clear that it was not his fault. Do you know what did he say? “Come’ on cut the crap short…. in the era of health awakening, no one is ready to consume anything organic…..even karu (kareena) has left eating junk…. Damn it! We must use Inorganic-aaloo…” Saif and kareena do not indulge themselves in the act of love-biting. “Organic Prohibited.” Anyway, it’s a different issue.
Now the question is; is it the cholesterol that has caused hatred for peanuts or something else? I think, this time it is not fair to blame the cholesterol. The word peanuts contains two syllabi pea and nuts. Do you think that a noble creature like we the human beings would work for something like this? No way! Pee and nuts, both are somewhat related to spontaneity. One a spontaneous phenomenon another one is a spontaneous behavior or attitude (I do not know, what this American slang exactly means.) As they are spontaneous, we do not need to work for these things.
The next point is; do trivial things like pee and nuts have the caliber to get a human being on his feet? Boss! Until and unless we are not persuaded for something which is very difficult to figure out, we would not slog our respective ass (Respective is an important word). Yes, this is the truth; all of us work for something which is not known to us. Like happiness! We work to get the comforts and I do not think anyone would get the comfort by consuming peanuts. Boss! Believe me if you try to stuff your belly with it, no doubt you would be suffering from constipation which would be a leading cause for the discomfort of yours as well as the others. You must be knowing from your past experience; how does constipation ruin others’ peace.
So, this has been proved that whosoever is working for peanuts is a fool. Its not worth to exert yourself for pee-nuts.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Reservation: Getting branded!
Finally; the day came. The birthday of new betrayal and the anniversary of feeling cheated. Yes; the highest institution of judiciary agreed to ratify the 27 percent quota for OBCs with some loose clauses; like creamy layer etc.
It has sprouted few new questions and rekindled the existent doubts.
Will it be beneficial for the OBCs?
What is the basis of the figure 27 percent?
On which parameters creamy layer would be decided?
Etcetera. Etcetera.
The second question was the basic reason which compelled Supreme court to hold the decision. The institution waited for one year but no genuine account for the figure could be given. Finally, it succumbed to randomness. Someone has well said that 47.6 % of the statistics are randomly generated.
The first question is the most important because it is concerned to the future of a national which is dangling between two economic-classification-jargons; developing and seems-to-be-developed. India. The country of diversity; the country of casteism. A country which satisfies all equations of discrimination. A country which mocks the preamble of its constitution. Words like socialism, fraternity, equality are merely used to obfuscate or to please the readers; to get a feel- good effect. Intellectuals have arrived to the conclusion that the intension of government was not honorable. If the government is really concerned about the situation of OBCs and their backwardness; if it really wants them to be educated, the emphasis must be on primary education. It is claimed that 90 % of the children either do not join primary school or drop out in between. Statistics again. Why the budget of education has been reduced to 3.5 % from 4 % of the GDP? I have an answer; because the GDP is growing at a faster rate and 4 percent of it comes to be a mammoth amount. What’s the need to invest that much for education, we already have 7 IITs, 7 IIMs and N number of NITs (NIT stands for National Institute of technology, though its standard does not allow me to put it along with IIT & IIM but I need something to account for government’s apathy on education.)
The NIT reluctance is another story. The plan was thrashed in cold box just because it was the vision of former Education Minster Mr. Murli Manohar Joshi and his party BJP. It did not fit well in UPA’s common minimum program. In the very first budget of Mr. Manmohan Singh’s government, Mr P chidambram announced a bounty for the construction of new ITIs (ITI stands for Industrial Training Institute) and for the infrastructural development of existing institutes of same category. The fund committed to NITs by BJP government and the vision to upgrade these institutes was deliberately overlooked. It’s not the story of NITs only but IITs have a similar fate. The government has never tried to weight their budget and tried to catapult the academic reputation of the institutes.
Come to the point. Is it true that government remembers Institutes like IITs and IIMs for reservation only? The answer is Yes. It’s not just the Indian Institute of Technology or Indian Institute of Management but brands of India Inc. It’s not just a seat into an institute of national repute but the pass to dream big and the platform to realize it. Today when everyone is running after brands, it’s obvious that an institute where one would be spending his/her one-thirtieth of life must be a branded one. And if it made easy by a government policy anticipate what a package would it be. I know that most of us would not be able to anticipate such situation as we have never been in such a lot which is distinguished. Do not dishearten yourself and wish that the reservation reaches the mass and causes some difference so that our reluctant sacrifice can be recognized. Amen!!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
RACE: No!! I accept my defeat!!
I watch every movie so I watched RACE (I can not write it in the broken letters format as it has been written on the advertising hoarding which you can see at almost every fifth step). The magnitude of advertisement had made it clear that the movie would be just another crap like the much-hyped sawariya and Om Shanti Om (I liked sawariya more than the Om shanti Om; but its all together a different episode). I would not give you a chance to call me stupid by saying that I was expecting something sensible in RACE. No, I wasn't. My only complaint with this flick of Abbas Mustan is; if you have the privelege to be insane why be predictable. If you can be bad why try to coat it with a false remorse.
It would not be right to talk about someone's acting and his/her effort to potray the character as the movie was not about depicting a story but it was all about style. It was all about fancy wardrodes, unique hairdos etc. Its all about getting corrupt, aspiring rather greedy. The twist and turn were quite expected. The time sai's brother died; why was he rolling down crocodile's tears is completely out of my understanding.
The length of action sequences was same as it was in the promos. Katrina, though there was nothing to prove but she found it pretty difficult to get through it. She is just good to dance and synchronize her lips with her dubbed dialouges.
It was an absolute crap.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Mithya - could not prove its worthiness!
The comments I heard when evacuating the hall after watching a simple but well-knitted movie were like "Did he (Rajat kapoor) make an art movie?" , "Second part was not upto the mark.", "I was expecting some twist..but it was too very simple no thrill...he had to die and he died..." etc.
Why do we always expect something unexpected to happen. Just because we want to defy the usualness of our lives. Whenever someone comes with something much akin to our life, we are not ready to expect it wholeheartedly. "Ya good ..but some more could be done...the end could be more thrilling.." I say; It could be but is it required to be that way always. Is someone not allowed to capture the stillness and usualness of our life.
I agree that first part was quite hilarious. Ranveer shorey was doing what he is known for. His effort was well complimented by other co-performers like saurabh Shukla, Vinay pathak etc. But why can we not notice the diversity of the director and ranveer as an actor in the second part. The way rajat kapoor changed the mood of the plot in the second half is praiseworthy and it also allowed the actors to come up with a wholesome performance. But the only thing most of us could notice is "the second half was not thrilling and quite expected."
I enjoyed boh the parts. It is a movie which has everything if something lacks its the abnormality or the supernatuarlity. I think this department is assigned to Farah and karan why everyone should encroach to their fiefdom. Thanks Rajat for extracting such performances from Ranveer, Nasheerudin shah, Saurabh shukla. Its due to directors like you we can watch such actors.
Why do we always expect something unexpected to happen. Just because we want to defy the usualness of our lives. Whenever someone comes with something much akin to our life, we are not ready to expect it wholeheartedly. "Ya good ..but some more could be done...the end could be more thrilling.." I say; It could be but is it required to be that way always. Is someone not allowed to capture the stillness and usualness of our life.
I agree that first part was quite hilarious. Ranveer shorey was doing what he is known for. His effort was well complimented by other co-performers like saurabh Shukla, Vinay pathak etc. But why can we not notice the diversity of the director and ranveer as an actor in the second part. The way rajat kapoor changed the mood of the plot in the second half is praiseworthy and it also allowed the actors to come up with a wholesome performance. But the only thing most of us could notice is "the second half was not thrilling and quite expected."
I enjoyed boh the parts. It is a movie which has everything if something lacks its the abnormality or the supernatuarlity. I think this department is assigned to Farah and karan why everyone should encroach to their fiefdom. Thanks Rajat for extracting such performances from Ranveer, Nasheerudin shah, Saurabh shukla. Its due to directors like you we can watch such actors.
Having everything is awkward!
Yesteday when I went to an orphanage called Salvation Army, a kid hit a question to me which was very obvious for her but quite surprising and hair-raising for me. " Do you have parents?" I was shocked. I have never expect this question. Everyone has parents. You grow up with them.
But it was yesterday when I realized that parents are not a possession which can be taken for granted. I found it difficult to answer as it could distinguish me from my surrounding and they could feel forlorn. It was the time when I felt that having everything can also be appalling.
But it was yesterday when I realized that parents are not a possession which can be taken for granted. I found it difficult to answer as it could distinguish me from my surrounding and they could feel forlorn. It was the time when I felt that having everything can also be appalling.
Jodha Akbar - Arye to kaunsa bura kiya!!
Yes. You have got it correct. It's what Ashutosh would be feeling after the chaotic response his movie has got. And it was the begining. When I decided to skip the movie (I watch each & every release; provided its a hindi one), I was adament over my decision. But Rahman factor could not be dified consequently I booked my ticket. We went to the multiplex straight from our office. You would call it a brave decision but if you have any idea about IT jobs, its just an extension of our office hours. Okay, do not go to it as its a different story all together.
When we were booking our tickets, one of my colleague told me that he had been reoported by his parents it was a horrible movie and too long to heed. After equipping ourselves with this fact we were preparing for the show. Talking about the response the movie had got one of my senior told "Arye to kya bura kiya.....whether its true or not it hardly matters ..I am here to watch ashiwarya...!!"
The time I heard the line, it reminded me of lambu-aata - a character from an epic called Gunda. He had a similar line in the movie starring Mithun chakraborty....(I have hold my ears). Yes the full dailouges was something like "Arye to kaunsa bura kiya roti hoti hai khane ke liye, boti hoti hai chabane ke liye .....so on.. and it was just the begining.
In the entire movie I kept on remembering the dialouges of Gunda.
I would mention some Instances:
The time Hrithik islled by Ashiwarya and she dictates er conditions to him. Hrithik enters to her room. At that time I was reminded of a very famous dailouge of lambu atta
"Aye hye maine socha tha bulla ki bahen koi bhangar ki dukaan hogi sara saamaan tut phut chuka hoga magar face (pronounced as phace) sonali, tange raveena aur ankhen karisma ...."
When Hrithik's brother-in-law warns ash's (please forgive me Abhishek bhaiya I have no intension of being intimate to her...believe me..) brother
I was thinking: "Aye kafanchor neta iss bar sauda notto se nahi lashon se hoyega ..sarkar tumhari hai police beech mein aana nahi mangta hai...."
When hrithik has killed his foster brother and his mother talks to Hrithik:
"Bulla tune lambu to maut ke tave pe sek diya uske laash ko worli ke gutter mein fek diya ..magar tune delhi se aaye uss neta ko nahi mara jisko marne ke liye maine tuhe supari di thi"
When we were booking our tickets, one of my colleague told me that he had been reoported by his parents it was a horrible movie and too long to heed. After equipping ourselves with this fact we were preparing for the show. Talking about the response the movie had got one of my senior told "Arye to kya bura kiya.....whether its true or not it hardly matters ..I am here to watch ashiwarya...!!"
The time I heard the line, it reminded me of lambu-aata - a character from an epic called Gunda. He had a similar line in the movie starring Mithun chakraborty....(I have hold my ears). Yes the full dailouges was something like "Arye to kaunsa bura kiya roti hoti hai khane ke liye, boti hoti hai chabane ke liye .....so on.. and it was just the begining.
In the entire movie I kept on remembering the dialouges of Gunda.
I would mention some Instances:
The time Hrithik islled by Ashiwarya and she dictates er conditions to him. Hrithik enters to her room. At that time I was reminded of a very famous dailouge of lambu atta
"Aye hye maine socha tha bulla ki bahen koi bhangar ki dukaan hogi sara saamaan tut phut chuka hoga magar face (pronounced as phace) sonali, tange raveena aur ankhen karisma ...."
When Hrithik's brother-in-law warns ash's (please forgive me Abhishek bhaiya I have no intension of being intimate to her...believe me..) brother
I was thinking: "Aye kafanchor neta iss bar sauda notto se nahi lashon se hoyega ..sarkar tumhari hai police beech mein aana nahi mangta hai...."
When hrithik has killed his foster brother and his mother talks to Hrithik:
"Bulla tune lambu to maut ke tave pe sek diya uske laash ko worli ke gutter mein fek diya ..magar tune delhi se aaye uss neta ko nahi mara jisko marne ke liye maine tuhe supari di thi"
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